Ty left for a business trip this afternoon. Cue rough evening with kids.
Murphy and his damn law. He isn't a fan of me.
Humor me for a second:
Imagine yourself exhausted, achey, low-on-patience, ready for a cocktail. Now add a disaster of a house thanks to a toddler, the smell of infant spit-up on your clothes, no makeup (pimples), went-to-bed-with-wet-hair head, muffin-top, torn "Mom clothes".
Now, stop. Take a deep breath. Thank God for EACH and every one of those things.
Bliss. It really is.
I have to remind myself each and every night that every single frustrated moment, exhausted tear, achey ears from the crying, the "Mamas!!", the tantrums and the screaming are completely silenced in my head by the wet kisses, the hugs, the giggles, the milestones, the tiny hands and feet and the "lobe you"s from a certain sweet little guy.
I am not a
new Mom, but a
new again Mom. With that comes twice the tiredness, twice the frustration and twice the exhausted tears (from me, that is).
Why this random, rather sentimental post you ask? I find myself, this afternoon/evening, turning to my faith to find peace. I know the next 5 days without my husband's evening interjection will be a challenge; a test if you will. I don't want to lose it. I'd rather, grow from it. Be a better Mom because of it.
Point in case: We spank. It is what it is. Don't judge. I don't turn to spanking unless completely necessary. Which, is very rarely necessary. I learned to have
that look from my Mom and Nash responds well to it. Unfortunately, it didn't work tonight and I lost it... he got a spanking and was sent to bed without a book. Afterward, I turned inward to really reflect as to whether or not a spanking was really warranted. Did he really deserve it? Was I just frustrated? I know it happens. Ask my Mom. I have a scar on my bottom lip from a backhand from the front seat as a grade-schooler. She got upset with my back talk and ultimately it left a mark. I'm going to be 31 in a matter of months (oh-em-gee) and I still remember that day vividly. Ahhh... memories. ;)
But, as I reflect, I re-live my day and consider that the wonderfully blissful moments completely out-number the rough, challenging moments 100:1. I sigh. It's gratitude. It's thankfulness. I need to remember this on Saturday, after 4 days have passed and I am completely running on fumes.
I realize that these beautiful boys, whom I struggled to bring into this world, are here to teach me patience. ABOVE ALL - patience. How can I remind myself of that everyday?
As you see from the right-side column, I follow many a blog. One particular blog, focuses on the loss of a new baby well over a year ago. I check-in with it often. It helps keep me in check. It helps remind me that when Knox won't go to sleep... when he won't nap... when his crying elevates to hysteria and Nash is screaming "Mama!!!!" that I need to be thankful for it all. Every. Single. Scream.
Instead of wallowing in my lack of sleep and frustrations with new baby-dom, I need to be thankful that Knox is screaming those loud, ear-piercing yelps and Nash is running around the house needing to go "podey" right as I am making Knox a bottle and the doorbell rings. It's life and am grateful to be living it.
It's a blessing. They are my blessings and I am humbled.
So, in consideration of my day, I share these with you... every-single-insanely precious moment of my day:
Finally caught a genuine smile on my iphone:
Knox's first giggles. I melt <3
The beginning on my evening meltdown:
I hope from this, if you're mid-screaming kids, you stop to consider how very blessed you are and how, even as exhausted you may be, you would give your life to not lose any single moment of it all.
