It's been a trying day with the boys. After taking them to look at 3 houses, AFTER I had to wake them up from their naps to make it to the first appointment on time, they were melting down. Or maybe it was me?
Nash had the living room a wreck. Knox was going from whine, to cry, to laugh, to complaining and it was on repeat. Dinner was on the stove. Nash was repeating "I want salsa!... I want salsa!... I want salsa!"
In one sweep, Nash went from a tolerable temperament to being punished. If you're not a spanker, don't judge me here. We are - when necessary. He was in complete meltdown over salsa. You read that right -
S-A-L-S-A. A huge indication that they were ready for bed - STAT.
I started with time out. No go. We went to taking away his
want to make salsa and then we went to spanking once it all failed. Cue Knox's crying over being exhausted, drooling from his teeth, snotty from the allergies. Add trying to juggle all of that and Ty and I making dinner. I'm grateful he was here as an extra hand. So thankful.
Why I'm taking time to post tonight is because I know I'm not the only Mom who can come crashing down like a deck of cards after a crazy day. I know I'm not the only Mom who can feel guilty for just wanting the crying to stop, the whining to stop, the screaming to just stop. Every, single, time I think this my eyes well up with tears because of guilt. You need to know you aren't alone in this. But, that it will pass... pass onto bigger kids with bigger meltdowns. Ahh... mommy-hood :)
I canNOT imagine my life without my boys. They are my life. My family is my life. And so the guilt.
Here's the crazy part of this day and why I felt like
someone was trying to remind me of something:
While we were in the midst of all this chaos, Ty put his ipod on the dock and fired up the music. Something had to soothe to mood, right? A little soothing country music maybe? After hurrying through dinner we then scurried upstairs to tag-team bath and bed. Ty took Knox and I took Nash (which means I was finished with the bedtime routine first). While Ty rocked sweet Knox to sleep, I gathered two loads of wash and dragged it downstairs.
I dropped the basket in a moment of shock.
This song by Trace Adkins was playing in the background and I panned the room:
(http://www.cowboylyrics.com/lyrics/adkins-trace/youre-gonna-miss-this-23933.html)
She was staring out that window, of that SUV
Complaining, saying I can't wait to turn 18
She said I'll make my own money, and I'll make my own rules
Mamma put the car in park out there in front of the school
Then she kissed her head and said I was just like you
You're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this
Before she knows it she's a brand new bride
In a one-bedroom apartment, and her daddy stops by
He tells her It's a nice place
She says It'll do for now
Starts talking about babies and buying a house
Daddy shakes his head and says Baby just slow down
'Cause You're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this
Five years later there's a plumber workin' on the water heater
Dog's barkin', phone's ringin'
One kid's cryin', one kid's screamin'
She keeps apologizin'
He says they don't bother me
I've got 2 babies of my own
One's 36, one's 23
Huh, it's hard to believe
But you're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this
You're gonna miss this
Yeah, you're gonna miss this
I walked to the kitchen counter, placed my hands on the cold granite to brace myself and stared into the distance. Why was THIS song playing when I was at my breaking point. Tears. There's that guilt again.
I glanced to the laundry hamper overflowing, the kiddie kitchen mess that I told Nash he HAD to clean up (and he didn't) and the kitchen table chair sprinkled with bits of ground beef and broccoli. sssssssiiiiigggh.
Last week my girlfriend posted as her status update the chorus from the song above and nothing else. I KNOW she feels this. I want to remember all these moments. Every single booger. Every single tiny hangnail, splinter, messed up hair, dirty finger nails. I WANT to remember, the messes, the tears, the on-repeat "Mommys" from Nash. I just want to be more patient about them. Maybe that should've been my lenten choice? Was God speaking to me today? Did I miss something at mass this morning?
Let me mention that I am grateful every day for each of my boys. I lost a baby long before Nash and Knox came along. Their lives are a treasure.
I'm working to find the beauty in it all. But I wanted to share that I am real... I am a Mommy... and I am working every day to be better, more patient, more accepting of the imperfections and more treasuring of the tiny moments; both in meltdown and in laughter.
If you've been there, I hope you find some comfort in this post.
Cheers to a bright Monday full of tears, meltdowns, laughter, and more :)